


Acceptance

by Donovanspen



Series: Walk Through the Valley [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-24
Updated: 2013-05-24
Packaged: 2017-12-12 20:39:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/815815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donovanspen/pseuds/Donovanspen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being apart for a while, Cas reconnects with Dean and Sam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Acceptance

“Dude, seriously, how long are you going to pout about this? We’re on our way to see him.” Sam shifted in his seat, annoyance radiating from every jerky move that he made.

Dean ignored his brother and concentrated on the road in front of him. He knew that he was being an ass about the whole thing, but he figured that was his right. Cas had asked him to go and now three weeks later, he was about to see him again. And damn it if it wasn’t Bert who had actually made the call.

He honestly had no idea why Cas even wanted to see them. They had spoken briefly over the past few weeks, but the conversations had been short and nothing more than superficial chit chat. There certainly hadn’t been anything encouraging about the phone calls. If anything, Dean considered them more of an omen of what was to come. 

They arrived at Bert’s by nightfall. Pulling up into the familiar driveway, he felt a small tug of emotion. Most of it was nerves regarding seeing the angel again, but a smaller part was happy to be back here on the farm. It almost felt a little like coming home. And that was a strange as hell feeling for Dean. Other than his car and Bobby’s place, he had never truly felt like that. Even with Lisa, the hunter in him had to be dormant to stay in that lifestyle, but here, he was free to be just who he was.

Sam seemed pretty excited about meeting Bert. Bobby had regaled him with tales of their hunts with Rufus and that coupled with Dean’s meager recount of what had happened when they were hunting the witch, Sam’s curiosity was genuinely piqued. Bert met them at the door and had both of them in great big bear hugs before they were even through the threshold. 

Once they got fully inside the house, he saw that Cas was standing and waiting for them in the living room. At first glance, the angel appeared pissed, but Dean knew better. He was starting to be able to pick on his small mannerisms, such as the hand twitching by his side.

“It’s good to see you again, Cas.”

“You as well, Sam.” A nod in Dean’s direction. “Dean.”

He returned the gesture and an awkward moment of silence passed before Bert spoke up.

“This isn’t a funeral. Guys, get comfortable. Dinner is almost ready.”

Sam shot a glance at him, and Dean knew that he was waiting for him to make a move.

“Is there a reason you called?” he asked, shooting a quick glance at Cas before settling his gaze on Bert.

“It was time,” she replied.

“You could have just told me that you wanted me to leave,” Cas sniped.

“And if that was what I wanted, I would have done so. But this is something else, and you know it,” Bert chided.

Dean watched the exchange, more than a little surprised when Cas looked away first.

“Sit,” Bert ordered as she headed towards the kitchen.

Sam was still watching the both of them, and Cas seemed to be doing his best to not look at either of them.

“So, what’s going on, Cas?” Sam asked. 

“Bert believes I should return to you.”

“Ok. And what do you want?”

“I agree,” he answered after a slight hesitation.

“You don’t sound too sure about that,” Dean challenged.

“I am.”

“So, what’s changed? Why now?”

“Dean.”

“No, Sam,” he warned. This needed to play out. He was damn tired of getting kicked in the teeth.

“I don’t understand,” Cas shook his head.

“You told me to get lost. Why hook back up now?”

“I told you. I needed time to figure out the visions and why I was sent here.”

“Yeah, I get it. You needed to find yourself,” he scoffed. Apparently, it was something that had to be done alone. No, not alone. Just without him.

“I hate when you do that,” he grumbled.

“Do what?”

“Mock me. Most of the time I do not even know what you are trying to say.”

“Well, Cas, I think I’ve been pretty clear. I told you how much I care about you. I told you that I wanted you with us. I told you that I would stand by you, and I have been doing my damnedest to do that. You were the one that sent me away. You are the one who is freaking all over the map here.”

“I believe I just expressed what I wish to do.”

“All right, fine. We just finished up a job. We can swing up by Bobby’s and drop you off.”

“Bobby’s? I want…I thought I would be hunting with you.” 

“No.”

“Dean,” Sam tried to get his attention. 

“No, Sam. Not going to happen.” Maybe it was irrational, but all he could think about was how easy it was for Cas to be hurt now.

Cas growled, “Why not?”

“Because you’re in no condition to hunt. There’s no reason for you to be out there. If you want to help, then you can hang back with Bobby and field calls or help out with the research.”

“No.”

“All right, look guys,” Sam tried again. “We obviously need to discuss this, and right now, arguing about it isn’t getting us anywhere.”

Cas continued on as if Sam hadn’t even spoken. “I can assure you that I am more than capable of accompanying you on your hunts.”

“And how can you be so sure? What happens if your power fades out right in the middle? You’re not used to fighting like a human. You’re still relying on your angelic powers too much.”

“I saved your life with that witch,” he protested.

“And could have lost yours in the process,” he shot back. 

“Ok, everyone back to their corners,” Bert called out as she reentered the room. “Dinner is ready.”

“We’ll be right there,” Sam spoke up, shooting a look towards Dean. He waited until Cas followed Bert into the kitchen before saying anything. “What the hell was that?”

“Back off, Sam. You weren’t there.”

“What?”

“Forget it.”

“This isn’t going to go away just because you refuse to talk about it.”

“Talking doesn’t fix everything, Sam.”

“Neither does pretending it doesn’t exist.”

“Don’t talk to me about pretending. You weren’t there, in his head, seeing all the things that Joshua showed me. You weren’t there holding onto his bloodied body, praying and begging that God would spare him. You weren’t there in the cemetery when he ran from us, and I had to drag him out from under the brush like a frightened child. You weren’t there when he had nightmares or broke down and held onto me like he was drowning when we attended Rick’s funeral. So don’t talk to me like I’m some type of ass for wanting to protect him. And you know that, Sam.”

“Yeah, I get it, but you can’t keep pushing him like that, Dean.”

“He’s not you. And be honest. You don’t have a clue as to how to get through to him.”

“Look, Dean, back at the hospital, you said we’re in this for the long haul. And that means working through the rough patches. I’m not saying that I agree that Cas should get back out hunting right away, but he feels strongly about it, so at the very least, we need to respect how he feels. And then figure a way to work it out. Otherwise, he’ll bolt. He’s done it before. Hell, Dean, I’ve done it.” Sam nodded towards the kitchen. “He obviously wants your support otherwise, he wouldn’t have stuck around. Maybe Bert can help. It’s why you came here.”

Yeah, maybe, he thought. Something had to give. 

 

 

Bert’s dinner was delicious as usual, but Dean couldn’t enjoy it. He didn’t feel much like eating and apparently Cas hadn’t developed an appetite during their time apart, as he picked at his food and pushed it around his plate. He was grateful that Sam knew him well enough to not push the issue anymore, and that he tried to keep the focus off of him and Cas by hitting Bert with a steady stream of questions. But his brother could only do so much, and it wasn’t long before the awkward silence settled again. Sam was good, but he wasn’t that good. 

“Cas, would you show Sam my study? And Dean, would you be so kind as to help me clean up?”

Glances were exchanged around the table before Cas and Sam left Dean in the kitchen with Bert.

He loaded the last of the dishwasher and looked around to see if he had missed anything. 

“Boy, you’re going to give me a headache.”

“What did I do?” He shot a look at Bert who was shaking her head as she pulled two mugs out of the cabinet.

“I just spent the past few weeks dealing with your angel’s emotions bouncing all over the place, and now you’re about to damn near suffocate me.”

“Thought you were supposed to be able to block this shit out.”

“If I could catch my breath, I might have a chance, but you are relentless.”

“Well, excuse me,” he muttered.

Bert chuckled and pulled a bottle down from the cabinet.

“I didn’t know you drank.”

“Tell me a hunter who doesn’t.” She began mixing two mugs of the hot flavored beverage. 

“A hot toddy?”

“A hot apple toddy. Don’t knock it. Castiel and I made the apple cider ourselves. Perfect on a cold evening like this. Besides, it might help calm the two of you down.”

“Here.” She handed him a steaming mug. “We’ll get a head start on them.”

He followed her back into the living room and sank down on the sofa. Looking around at the comfortable living space, noticing the small fire that Cas had built before going upstairs with Sam – it hit him again just how ‘wrong’ things were right now.

“Drink up, Dean. You’re killing me.”

He glared at her but still took a healthy sip of the hot beverage. Huh, that was pretty damn good. But it would probably take quite a few of these before he approached anything near calm.

“Go ahead and get it off your chest. You’ll feel better.”

“Don’t give me that. You know he’s lying to me. After everything that’s happened, he’s still not telling me the truth.”

“You’re right,” she sighed, “but I can tell you it’s not because of arrogance or pride or anything like that. It’s fear. This ancient being is so out of his element, and I have every confidence that he would do just fine on his own, eventually. But he’s not on his own. He has to adapt to this new life and try to play by your rules.”

"Hey! We’ve done nothing but support him.”

“I know. And he knows, but it doesn’t change the fact that this is new to him.”

“Is he…?” He hated asking, giving voice to the fear that had plagued him for the past three weeks.

“Yes. He’s still bright and still more powerful that we even know.”

“So, no change?”

“I didn’t say that. When I first met him, I could sense what he is. In comparison to humans, it’s difficult to pick up on his emotions. But when the demon and then the witch weakened him, his emotions were coming through unfiltered. He’s regained his strength, but his emotions aren’t filtered as much anymore.”

“What does that mean?”

“If I had to guess, it’s part of the transformation, but I think it’s been extremely unsettling for him. We’re used to it. We may not like how we feel, but it’s not new. I think these emotions are hitting him as hard as I’m feeling them. That’s why I called you. He needs to be around people who genuinely care for him, even if he doesn’t know how to let you know.”

“But make no mistake,” Bert continued before he could say anything. “He may seem childlike in some ways as this is new to him, but he isn’t a child. He’s been around for a very long time, and his experiences and knowledge reflect that. You’ll have to try to find a balance.”

It made sense, and he and Sam had known that it wouldn’t be easy. But it was still hard for him to move forward knowing that Cas was still keeping up barriers.

“Yeah. Thanks for looking after him.” He took a moment to finish his drink and gather his thoughts before heading upstairs to the study, still unsure of how everything was going to play out. He walked down the short hall towards the open door, slowing down as he heard Sam and Cas talking.

“It’s not that simple, Sam.”

“Actually, Cas, yes it is. “

“I am not helpless. He does not need to treat me as if I’m a child.”

“But you’re not what you were,” he heard Sam remind him.

He could just imagine the scowl that went along with the annoyed grunt that Cas made.

“I have fought many times while disadvantaged.”

“And that’s why Dean is hesitating, Cas. Not only could you be risking your life but ours as well. Until you accept what’s happening, you’re a danger to those around you.”

He waited another second, curious to hear what Cas would say, but he heard Sam’s voice next.

“We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t want to be. My brother cares about you. You can’t play lightly with that. And I know you care about him. Accept this for what it is.”

“I have done so much. I don’t know….”

“That sounds more like your issue Cas and not Dean’s. Just because you can’t conceive of forgiveness doesn’t mean my brother doesn’t feel it.”

He slipped back down the hallway towards the stairs. It didn’t matter what Cas revealed if he couldn’t bring himself to say it directly to him.    

 

 

 It was late, and he was exhausted but he couldn’t sleep. Sam and Bert had turned in over an hour ago, and Cas was apparently avoiding him. Bert had claimed that the angel had taken to going on nightly walks around the farm, but they both knew that Cas was doing his best to steer clear of him. 

The dying embers in the fireplace cast just enough light in the living room for Dean to make out the shadows. He watched as Cas came into the room, stopping short of the sofa.

“Dean, may we talk?”

“Depends. You ready to start telling me the truth?”

“I am afraid,” Cas admitted so softly that he had to strain to hear him.

“Of me?”

“In a way.”

“How’s that?”

“I have done so much. I lied to you. I hurt Sam. I had my reasons, but the damage is still done.”

“And I’m still here.”

“But for how long?”

“So push me away before I walk away. That never works, Cas,” he snorted. 

“You were so angry.” He took a seat on the edge of the sofa, keeping the distance between them.

“I still am,” Dean admitted, “but we’ll work through it.”

“How?”

“We just do.”

What if we can’t?”

“I’m here, aren’t I? It won’t happen at all if we don’t even try, Cas.”

“I am not human. Not yet. For centuries, I have had to think and act for the greater purpose. We have been at odds so much recently. What if….what if the visions require that I do something, and you feel compelled to try to stop me?”

“You tell me about it, and we figure out another way.”

“You don’t understand,” Cas said with a shake of his head. “When I didn’t act upon the visions, I would get these terrible headaches that increased over time. If I’m required to do something, I will not simply be allowed to figure out another way.”

“Sam Winchester, the boy with the demon blood.”

“What?”

“Sam. My own father warned me about him. Other hunters were after us. Freakin’ Ruby. He was destined to be Lucifer’s vessel. That shit damn near broke us, Cas, but it didn’t. Trust us to help you.”

“Dean, the things that I have done…what if the way I am prevents me from being a decent human?” he asked softly, finally voicing his doubts. 

Bert was wrong. This was just like talking to a kid. His mind flashed on a memory of Lisa talking to Ben. The entire lecture of stern words had been punctuated with comforting touches and hugs. Swallowing down a sudden burst of nerves, he reached out and pulled Cas close to him.

He held on, waiting for the stiffness to leave Cas’ body before he spoke. “I was in your head. I saw and I felt, Cas. You’re good. If that potential wasn’t there, I don’t think your father would have even bothered. We all have scary thoughts about who we are. All of us. We help each other. Joshua didn’t have to let me know this stuff, but he did. You’re supposed to be here with me. I’ll help. Believe me.”

“I do.”

And with those words, Dean knew that Cas had finally stopped running.

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for any typos I may have missed.


End file.
